Every year around my birthday, I get depressed. There are many reasons this happens and I wouldn’t be able to associate just one thing to the downward spiral of my mood. It could be any number of things: Watching the years pass and only accomplishing a very small smidge of what I’d like to: Being pushed into the backdrop of the celebrations of others: Lack of money to do anything worthwhile (not that you need cash to have fun…but..you know): Lack of effort through the years from others: Low self esteem: Being a fire sign…..the list is really kind of endless. There are probably 12 million reasons I get down around this time so please, let me tell you about this year.
My birthday was on a Saturday this year. Yay. Even though I get depressed, I always give it the old positive sell and tell myself all the wonderful amazing things that might happen this year. This year will be different. This year someone will throw me a surprise party! This year they’ll buy me a cake and put up streamers! This year Johnny Depp will come play me a song on his guitar!
In case you wondered: Nope, no Johnny, no cake, no party, no streamers….nada.
Don’t be sad for me yet.
I slept as long as possible that day. I always sleep in on Saturdays. And, to you, dear reader who is probably a day person and thinks sleeping in is like 9 o’clock in the morning…uhm…no. I slept until 3 P.M. Nope, not kidding in the least! I really wanted to hide under the covers until at least midnight and not come out. I didn’t even want to peek. I knew there would be social media wishes but I also knew the odds of anything else were pretty slim. That reality I didn’t want to face. So, I slept. I woke up. I slept. I woke up and then I slept some more. I slept until my legs started to tingle and were like, hey, lady, you really need to get this blood moving!
So, I got up. I showered. I dressed. My husband was asleep and my youngest son was in his room playing a video game. I checked in on him and told him I was going to Starbucks. He asked for his usual drink and didn’t mention my birthday. It was okay. I didn’t expect him to.
Starbucks had generously given me a whole 2 days to redeem my birthday drink. I probably shouldn’t complain about that since it was kind of them to even give me a free drink or food item. But, seriously? Two days? If I lived near one it’d be different but a coffee run takes some effort for me.
I headed to the grocery store first. I wanted birthday cake dammit! I walked solemnly through the bakery department trying to decide exactly which cake slice I wanted. Paranoia was strong in my soul and I was sure everyone who passed by knew my dirty little poor pitiful me birthday secret. I typically do my best to eat clean and not pollute my body with junk so not only was this slice of cake a birthday celebration but a cheat item of such decadence it had to be the perfect thing. I couldn’t waste it on some week old flavorless junk. When I found it, I knew it was baked just for me…
Chocolate mousse filling, chocolate candy topper, chocolate cake, chocolate frosting…chocolate! Chocolate! Chocolate! It was perfect and it made me giddy!
I still felt sorry for myself though. It’s selfish…but it was my day and I could be pitiful if I wanted.
Drive on to Starbucks. I had been on the verge of tears since I unwillingly rolled out of bed. I pep talked myself not to burst into tears while telling my order to the drive through speaker. That would have probably been awkward for my cashier, and possibly the entire staff on duty that day. Then again, maybe it’s a common thing in drive thrus. I really don’t know the statistics.
Order placed, I sat there thinking about the chicken I had taken out to thaw and how I would cook it, annoyed because there was no special dinner, no surprise party, no phone calls offering to take me out. I heard a cough and glanced in my rear view mirror at the SUV behind me. Driving was a woman, her head shaved, wearing a surgical mask to protect her fragile immune system.
It was that moment that the Universe reared back it’s cosmic hand and smacked me hard in the forehead.
Who exactly did I think I was? Why was I being a big whiny butt about something so silly? Did I really believe, for a single, solitary moment that I was unloved, unimportant, unnecessary to the people in my life because they didn’t buy me a cake slice? The Universe pointed it’s stardust covered finger at me and simply said “You’re having a birthday, be grateful.”
I got the message and my heart healed immediately.
I redeemed my Free food or drink item birthday coupon, paid for the rest of my order and then paid for hers.
It was my very small way of giving back and showing the Universe that I understood, loud and clear.
I cried all the way home.
When I got home, I again looked over the chicken, thoughts to dinner. My son came out, told me not to eat, we were going out to dinner, my husband was in the shower. These two wonderful gentlemen I get to call mine took little old pouty, insignificant me to eat at a restaurant I had been wanting to try since it opened. It was divine and I love them. My oldest son even came to visit me later in the evening when he got off work! I can’t even get a text back from that guy to be sure he’s alive so this meant so much to me!
And, in case you wonder, the Universe knows and the Universe pays things forward. My act of kindness and my lesson in humility gave me a small gift today. Nearly a week after my birthday, today, while at Zaxbys, the car in front of me unknowingly kept spraying me with their windshield fluid. At first I didn’t know what it was and was a little grossed out. Her passenger and I noticed about the same time what was happening and laughed. I don’t think they thought I was mad or anything. I hope not but when I got to the window, I learned they had paid for my order. That really did put a smile on my face.
What goes around, comes around so make sure what you are tossing out there are kind things!
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